[ Beef sticks and Mints ]
It hurts to rub my nose. It’s been happening like that for about a week now, and for about a week I have been working like I did when I left school. It was a rough year that year. Shitty job from six in the morning until five, Monday through Friday, cool job being projectionist at the local theater in the evenings. I met a wonderful smile there that would bring me food while all of the movies were running. It started slow and neither one of us had anticipated spending endless hours after those jobs staying awake talking about nothing and everything. The kind of nights where you know you should go to bed way earlier than you did, the kind of nights where one would slowly talk the other to sleep, the kinds of nights people search hard for and never find because they are looking for it — I think about Miles Davis when I think of those nights. At work, during the day, my energies were confronted with defeated lives, lost lives, lives that were unwilling to take the steps necessary to be happy, and bitter lives. We each had our designated tasks that would have our backs and hands tight and worn. The break before lunch, a fifteen minute break, was for the smokers. They would step out and inhale 3 or 4 cigs, while the few of us that didn’t smoke drank caffeine and ate junk food. Then it was back to the grind before our twenty minute unpaid lunch break. I would think of her all day. I’m working like that again, though this time around my jobs are not filled with those lives, quite the opposite in fact. Now it is I that needs to deal with what it means to be brave enough to do what has to be done. It’s scary sometimes, and many wouldn’t dare admit it, but I’m okay with it. I’ll get to where I need to go, I just think about it a lot. Eventually she left, is now married, and I hear she had a child. She frequently said that I deserved it, I still believe it to be true, she just said it better than I can. // One day I will tell you about when he was confronted with the ideas of what it means to be a man. // When he speaks, and owns it they listen. When she speaks they listen, and she could be speaking about anything — Like 36 foot tall lizards tanning on city beaches licking jars of separated natural peanut butter — they would still listen. At least I would. // Meat pies and beers.
Yuno - Sunlight