James Blake - James Blake - I mind
[ firsts ]
They all came for different reasons, and they all left for different reasons. One should not be fooled by their appearance, nor by the fanciness of the tools they carry. In the end one needs desire, will power, patience, and a sense of humor. That is what got me there and gets me around. Don’t carry too much. I learned that the first time. Don’t go alone. I learned that the first time. You shouldn’t forget to hydrate along the way. I learned that the first time. The first time I kissed a girl, intentionally, was in kindergarten. We sat in the barrel that had been painted red and had been safely flanked by to large blue tractor tires. We sat next to one another in class, on the carpet that had squares demarcating where we were to sit. The first kiss happened in class on accident as I youthfully defended her from getting picked on. She had been put in a headlock by one of the boys that sat behind her in the second row. As I remember it, I turned, disarmed the situation, and with the thrust of her weight being released her forehead landed on my lips. It must have happened in slow motion for everyone just like it did for me, at the very least slow enough to where such an accident was perceived by all to be a legitimate kiss. The chorus of oohs solidified my understanding of what they just saw. Later that day, week, month, or year we found ourselves on the playground crushing on each other. I’m sure it was nothing more than your stereotypical little kid kiss, and I am sure it played out way differently than I remember. We did grow up and learn to kiss when we got older. Sometimes with others. Sometimes with each other. I’m still learning how to kiss. In fact I am still learning in general. Learning how to say yes, learning how to say no, learning the difference between giving up, quitting, and walking away. Learning the difference between iced coffee and a hot coffee that just has a little bit of ice in it. Learning the differences of truths, learning from the young that are a part of my life familial and student. Learning that I don’t actually like lobster, but when I drive far enough just to eat one, particularly Maine, I will eat it. It took me a while to learn not to have dairy a day or two before a date. I’m a slow learner. Most of those dates weren’t worth it anyway. I’m still learning what that even means, worth it. It isn’t totally clear what I all learned on the 100 mile ride the other day. But a few things are certain: my ass hurts, that shit is doable, and that all you have to do is try. But you have to want to try.